마음이 슬퍼요

I didn't think about it so deeply the first few days. But when I finally did, it started to hurt. It's so trivial that it's almost laughable. If I explained it to someone else, they'd probably shrug it off. If someone else told me spending time with me was a waste, it wouldn't faze me. I couldn't care less. But coming from you.... it cuts deep. It stings like a bee.
I saw your calls and your voice note. A part of me wanted to return your calls immediately, to listen and respond like I always would. But a bigger part of me couldn't seem to let go of how you said spending time with me was a waste. Time, the most important currency anyone has to offer? Why would you waste something so precious on the things that don't matter?
However, that singular statement hurts more than I can explain. Maybe because it came from you. You, who in the twinkle of an eye, became such an integral part of my daily life.
I'm learning now that I deserve to "waste" my time on people who want to waste their time with me too. People who see it as precious and not pointless. Maybe that's why I haven't answered or responded yet. Not because I'm being petty or now hate you. But because I am protecting the parts of me that believe we deserve better.
I miss you, I am not going to lie about that. But missing someone and even caring for them, doesn't mean I have to abandon myself.